Been pondering whether should I say all these but then I guess it's alright. Since it will be what I want to say and it's facts.
2010 haven't been a good year to me at all. It was a tough and challenging one. Sure there are some good here and there but they're like, only a 30% I guess. Like getting to bond more w people whom I used to not be close with, getting to know my then Makan Clique, getting in SLB, getting in Drama and going to work in the first time of my life.
But from the very start, at the exact timing of 1Jan2010, 9:18am, I got a call from my relatives in Malaysia, telling us that my grandma was hospitalized. And a few days later, it was announced that she had cancer. At it's last stage too. School reopened, Qing and me were cold to each other. not long later, we broke. School was a torture cuz I was painful after the break, although I made myself hate him. Was soon caught within a spiral-like time. Days passed fast because we kept going in and out of Msia due to my grandma. On my birthday, my grandma who happened to came over to stay w us as we wanted to seek help from SG medical services, passed out and had a near death escape. So I spent my bday in TanTockSeng hospital. The next day was when I broke w Qing. There were too much going on and it was tough. Then, one day, around mid feb, I was about to step out of house at 6am when I got a call from mum in Msia who went to take care of my grandma as she went back. I remember it was a Wednesday. Suddenly, we were speeding off to Malaysia, to send my grandma off on her last journey. I remember her lying in bed, shriveled skinny and small. She wasn't breathing already but her hands still had a tint of warmth. I didn't know what to say. Kneeled there and told her I'm here and that she can rest in peace. Funeral proceeded and I spent the rest of the week in Msia.
Besides these, I was still playful and I didn't study much. Looking at math now, although I don't hate then anymore, I regret and I hope that I had studied more back then. I hope I would have taken pure science. Streaming didn't matter much to me back then till the day I got my results. It was disappointing.
There was our sec2 camp where I was proud for Qing that he represented our school in basketball matches that happened during that period of time but never showed it as I didn't know how to express myself. He fell down twice and his knee was injured. I felt us bonding once again during camp but I was just too scared and unprepared. We went on off on off for the whole year. I shouldn't have broke up. I should have poured all my troubles to you but then we were so cold.
And then there was a day after camp,in the classroom at the end of the day where out of mischief, I hit Qing's knee which was injured, w my pencil case. And he had to suffer so much pain because it was not a gentle whack. Then he stormed out of the class. I knew I was in the wrong; but I don't think I ever did apologize? I was scared. But beyond that, I knew I did something that was pretty much irreversible. Looking back, I fucking hope I didn't do that. Because it lead to a whole lot of other things through out that year and even till now. Where a small part of me still gets so affected.
By then it was around may/June I think?
Rest of the year passed pretty fast. W small jealousy pangs and insecurities here and there because of Qing.
And then I met Bryan.
And then we got together. But pretty soon later, we broke. Complex reason behind. And tadah, end of th year.
Thn I met a guy. And a small infatuation. And we, coupled w others, went out tgt twice? He was a good guy, but nevertheless, it was just a crush.
And then something bad and terrible happened at the end of the year.
And to top it off, Qing told me something that shattered me in pieces on the last day of 2010.
That concluded my year.
If only I could go back in time, I would gladly mend all these. If only I could.
No comments:
Post a Comment