My first major crush and my first major love

I had a couple of crushes on some of the guys that were my classmates back then while in primary school. But the one that made me really changed my perspective and made me grow happened in P6.

I remember my best girl friend had a bf. To cut it short, I was the third party. One day, miraculously, that guy just confessed to me thru a song however told me to not tell my friend as he was afraid she would be upset. I guess I was pretty stupid and idiotic but I obeyed. We had calls, really long ones. As I don't have a phone of my own, we don't text. And then one day, we asked my bestfriend-his gf, whether we could be tgt. Like wtf, yes we did ask. And she said ok but obviously it wasn't alright. But both of us were silly and continued our little romance. They were really naive little things we did tgt. Like, sharing fries, hanging out after school, calling, him running over to my house just to meet me for a few minutes, him changing seats to seat w me during lessons and also, doodled on my plaster when I had a cut during art. Did I mention that my bestfriend was in the same class together w us? Well, so you get the idea. It must have been tough for her and even worse when one day he hugged me in front of her. Looking back, I hope I had been much smarter. I was totally into th whole what I thought was a r/s. There was no official anniversary date or whatsoever. Shortly after, they broke up and I felt bad and ended up crying. To me, I couldn't figure out why can't all three be together. Oh God, why am I so retarded... Karma got me of course. My bestfriend started not hanging out w me anymore and alot other things. I decided to tell my... Partner to end it so I called him and I will never forget what he said when I told him I want a break.

"We also never stead in the beginning"

Wow. And then I hung up. Shortly after, I found out he liked another girl, which was a friend of mine. Then, I realize how bad it felt like to be the one cheated on. And I regret doing this to my bestfriend; there's no way to amend it right but if I can, I would never enter into their r/s and intefere w them.
I cried for days and only really got over it after a few months although our whole romance lasted only about two weeks. But it made me grew. So I gotta thank him for that.

Maybe Karma still makes me repay what I did during lower sec because I wasn't a priority nor an only to a special someone. It only changed after a long torturous period of time.

Now, I found my first love I guess.
Although I feel insecure almost all the time and I feel really inferior because I can't convince myself out of the trauma of being cheated on...twice... I guess its hard. But I have to say I feel much happier now. Ever.